When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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