I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize