highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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