im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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