Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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