I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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