U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i love accidental penises.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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