dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize