so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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