where am i from again
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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