I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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