Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize