I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
