i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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