playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
