she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
