a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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