YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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