What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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