my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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