so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
