I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
