i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
