as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
