just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
