So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
