I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So much rum. So many feels.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
