I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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