Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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