vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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