I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize