In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
no, he came in my armpit
I met the friendliest cop last night
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
