I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
