I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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