So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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