he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
