I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
