that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
