You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
