He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
