It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
