You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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