I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
