Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
