Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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