You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
