guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
