Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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