That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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