I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
