I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
