It's Friday. Sex?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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