I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
