i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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