Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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