i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
