You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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