he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
