Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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