It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
