five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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