we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
