That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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