I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
